I can’t believe my fucking luck!

It’s unfortunate that one of My co-worker’s died while in his sleep (RIP Damien), but I sure as hell am not going to put up with a bunch of coked-out, drunk motherfuckers from every country south of the US Border!!  Let me explain, Damien was the head bouncer at El Pollo Rico (aka El Rey de Pollo IV, Newburgh NY).  It has left a hole within the Security crew that I am with. With that being said, as a result, I am now in charge at this establishment.

Every fucking weekend I have to deal with some asshole trying to either:

1. Grab My ass – Like they own this body!! Grab up one of the Cantina Girls that come up from New Jersey to dance.  Hell you’re paying some of them for their coke habits anyway!!  Shit! If I could actually speak in Spanish exactly what is on My mind at that moment, someone would be going home with his feelings hurt and sore balls!
2. Rub up against Me (as you’re coming/going to dance floor, being told to leave the girls alone when they say “No”, etc.) – If you’re not My man, again, DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!! I have had to “ball check” a few losers because they don’t understand that “No means NO!”.
3. Steal a kiss – Really?? Are you that desperate to experience what kind of kiss I give to a boyfriend?  HAHAHAHA!!  Sorry to disappoint you, but the last person who “kissed” me is still begging Me for a night out together.  And he’s been turned down flat every time!!  When I kiss someone it’s because I actually am attracted to you. Not because I’m desperate.  I haven’t gotten to be this age by being stupid and careless. I try to take care of myself and have been on a diet, and I am fucking picky as shit about who I date.  I know I am not an “easy catch” and they know it, but I am no fool! One kiss will lead to a hell of a lot of trouble.
4. Phone number – No you will not get My real number!!  I got one of those “Obama Phones” people be talking about for just such cases.  “Call me at …” but believe Me, I’m not picking up. Text messages?  Ignored!!

These fools keep pushing buttons (the wrong buttons) and I will not be liable for what happens to their manhood! The place is nice, their food is good, and the women who work there are cool ladies.  But the fellas who frequent the joint are complete idiots! Did I forget to mention RACIST!!!  OMG! One of the customers almost got their teeth punch out their face because he thought I did not like working in a Latino establishment!  No idiot!  I just don’t like having to deal with assholes who try to judge others!!  Just because you spend $500/night in the place drinking beer and feeling up the girls while running back & forth to the bathroom for a bump ain’t shit!  Seen worse than that.  Hell, the DJs are told NOT to play any R&B/Hip Hop music because the Owner doesn’t want “that type” of crowd in his bar…  Music is life! Music is what bridges gaps!

I haven’t been working as a bouncer for 20 years because I hate dealing  with people, I love my job!! Just hate the idiosyncrasies, back-stabbing, and drama that goes with it.

RANT OVER!!